Awe & Envy
After an unusual turn of events, Spencer and I got an opportunity to work as Talent Escorts at the Tony Awards. At any major televised show, celebrities (i.e. “Talent”) are each assigned a Talent Escort, who leads him or her around the venue making sure they are where they are supposed to be, doing what they are supposed to be doing. Basically we are glorified babysitters.
While we had an unforgettable day of people-watching and running around Radio City, I got an unhealthy dose of the Awe & Envy Cocktail from seeing so many incredible people perform and be recognized for their achievements.
I am embarrassed to admit how badly I want to be working at their level. I want to be at the top of my field, widely known for my capabilities and artistry, and an influence to future creatives. I want people from back home to say, “Hey, have you heard of Lucy Horton? Yeah. I went to high school with her. I totally knew she was going to be famous.”
AHH! I’m mortified to admit that!
Maybe I want to protect myself if something different ends up happening. If I don’t commit to anything, then no one will care if I fail or change my mind. If performing is something I “do on the side” and I end up working in real estate, people won't think I "gave up on my dreams."
I don’t want to care what the people back home think. I don’t want to measure my success based on whether or not people have heard of me. I don’t want to always feel like I should have or be more. I want humility, honesty, dedication, and all the other qualities we see in people who are highly successful doing something they love.
If you want to work at the highest level, admitting that does not mean you are conceited – it means you are confident. We're taught to be ashamed of envy, but it's not wrong to envy dedicated people who have found success doing something they care about. Sometimes envy is a big fat arrow pointing you in the right direction.
SO THERE! Go forth and conquer!!
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